Another year older and knowing less

It was my birthday yesterday. For the most part it was a rather uneventful and restful day for me. A few of my youth took me out to Panera for a birthday lunch which was nice (although, technically, I "took" them since I drove).

As I find myself sitting here today reflecting on my new-found age, I'm taken aback not by my accomplishments or how far I've come, but rather now much uncertainty there is in my life and how much I really don't know. I guess when you're young and your head is full of dreams, it can be easy to be sure of yourself, to know where you want to go and go for it. As I'm getting older, I'm realizing that in fact, I don't know all that much. Even in ministry, I feel like I'm just making it up as I go along sometimes - I have so much growing to do!

I guess where I find myself is in a place where I'm constantly reminded how small I really am in the grand scheme of things. There are still so many great opportunities out there, people to meet, adventures to live, jokes to laugh at - and here I find myself at 28. A little older. A little wiser. But still lost in the grand scope of my life.

I don't have all the answers. I don't even know all the questions. What I'm finding that as I continue on my journey to know God and serve Him with my life, that I am truly lost in His hands. There is so much I can't do without God's help. Perhaps I can do nothing without Christ, and maybe - just maybe - I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.

These Frail Hands

In this broken place where I was born
It seems there is no peace,
And the very soil that we walk upon
Is filled with tears that never cease,
And you can trace the scars of hopelessness
Like sweat upon the backs
Of all the outcast downtrodden,
Water slipped through cracks

Hold on,
Hold tight

And I am overwhelmed with grief,
to see such suffering,
For those who lack the voice to speak
For those of us left stuttering

May this not prevail,
Dear Lord, your love will never fail

And these frail hands,
They tremble as they pen perhaps their last
And these weak words,
Can never say what cannot be surpassed

When the concrete of the world
Becomes too cumbersome to lift,
And the cataracts of fear and doubt
Cloak truth beyond what we can sift
And darkness, darkness bleeds its way,
When crippling anguish clouds our sight,
The ghosts of dusk have bared their teeth,
Set their claws to bring the night

Hold on,
Hold tight

Darkness can’t perceive the light,
though lightlessness has chilled us numb,
And though its wings may cloud the skies,
The dark shall never overcome

Light of the world,
Your love, has never failed

And these frail hands,
They tremble as they pen perhaps their last
And these weak words,
Can never say what cannot be surpassed

I need your love,
And most of all I want to feel your peace,
I need your love,
Let everything that you are not decrease,

(Your love,
Your mercy,
Your light unending.
Your hope,
Your peace,
Your strength my heart is mending.)

(Daylight,
Save me)

Lyrics by Reese Roper
Brave Saint Saturn - Anti-Meridian